October!

So kid... about this due date you have coming up this month. You're going to NOT take after your mama in the area of puncutality, and actually show up on time (dare I ask it.. even early!), right?

I don't mind carrying you around all the time. I really don't. Yes, you are pretty darn heavy. And I do look like a crazy person in the grocery store parking lot when I make that "world's strongest man" grunt every time I get out of the car before I realize there are people around.

But let's get down to the serious issue here:

It is now fall. And none of my closed-toe shoes fit.

Dear Kid:

You'll be here in 5 weeks. Well, technically, according to the range of "normal" births with respect to due dates, you'll be here in 2-7 weeks. (two??!! oy.)

What do you look like? Do you have dark eyes and an ample bottom like both of your parents?

And do you like it when I tickle what I can only assume is your little butt, or is that little kick that follows a display of "my mom is so embarrassing" annoyance?

Also, did you know that your momma looks like a crazy person when she talks to you while she is driving?

Onward, ever upward.

Well, folks, we knew this day would happen. I've.... I've...

I've gone up a panty size.

:hangs head:
:rests chin awkwardly on belly:

And these boobs! Having just gotten mine, I don't know how you people have handled them all these years! Did you know that you SWEAT under there?? and that going braless isn't nearly as cute?

Kid, c'mon, let's be reasonable here. You've got two more months to cook... you don't have to use your super powers to make everything huge now, do you? Let's work out some sort of installment plan..

"Nice" it forward..

I was crossing the parking lot of the Brentwood publix the other day when a woman pulled up in a gold convertible (okay... it was shimmery tan. that's gold enough, right? not the James Brown coffin gold, but the we-could-totally-see-this-in-our-dad's-driveway-after-he-retires gold.).

She told me I looked cute. I did my little grin/head tilt/one shoulder shrug and said thanks. She said, "No, really. You do. I remember back when it was me, I always wondered if I looked cute or if I looked fat. Know that you do look cute."

I suppressed the urge to waddle-hop into her car and kiss her, and instead resolved to someday BE the woman in the shimmering convertible... making young pregnant girls in giant yellow dresses feel insanely good about themselves for a few glowing minutes.

Dear Kid:

What name should I choose to call you forever?

and..

What name could you have forever and still NOT hate your weirdo parents?

love,

Mom

I win!

I do not consider myself a competitive person. I don't challenge Scrabble words. I lose in Trivial Pursuit with a shrug and an "oh well". I perpetually take last place in card games, usually with a negative score. Doesn't matter. I'm cool with it.

But today...

Today, at the OB I peed in a cup. And when I placed the pee cup in the little wall cubby, there was another one already there from someone else.

Mine was way more clear.

I totally won.